


Dirty Icing - Cake Boss AU

by Area11Dennise



Category: DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel), DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Bakery, Crack, Crossover, M/M, Oneshot, cake boss - Freeform, dmmd - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 10:11:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4783553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Area11Dennise/pseuds/Area11Dennise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Instead of being gay the boys decide to open 2 bakeries. Seragaki's Bakery and Cakes 'n Snakes.</p><p>Seragaki's: Aoba, Sei, Mizuki, Koujaku, Noiz, Clear and Mink</p><p>Cakes 'n Snakes: Virus, Trip and Ryuuhou</p><p>Shitty oneshot and second gay thing I've written so I'm sorry if it sucks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirty Icing - Cake Boss AU

**Author's Note:**

  * For [YoItsSharkWeek](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=YoItsSharkWeek).



> Why is this a thing? Why did I make this? Oh yeah 'cause my best friend and I are fucking crazy that's why. PRO TIP : If you have trouble understanding the sentences, try reading them aloud. Preferably with a Brooklyn accent because it's funny. Yup. Prime comedy.
> 
> I'm also sorry this sucks. It'll probably have mistakes, idc. I was like high while I wrote this. It's a little rushed but my trans pan friend wrote straight porn for me and here Ryan fuck you and I love you.

"Welcome to Seragaki's bakery! My name's Sei and I'm DA baws!" That's how Sei Seragaki loves to introduce himself and his shop to his customers. However...

"AOBA! How many times does I have to tell ya to hurry da fuck up?! And- oH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! NOIZ AND KOUJAKU, FOR ONCE IN YA ENTIRE LIVES DON'T TRASH MY BAKERY!"

"Piss off, Mizuki!"

"YA WANNA FUCKING GO? I'LL HAVE YA OUTTA HERE IN FIVE MINUTES!"

"Well.. Kind of." Sei sighed quietly. Even though he was the rightful owner of the place (paid for and his name on the deed), his faithful partner Mizuki was often mistaken for "the boss". Not that Sei didn't understand why, because he absolutely did. Not only does his partner have a completely different build than himself, Mizuki was more well known for actually bossing the bakery's employees around than anyone else. And Sei can't say he minds at all. He gives orders, Mizuki yells at people. Their roles are clear.

"W-with dat being said, let me introduce da crew.. Starting with my bro, Aoba." Sei decided to continue his little "game". Since Mizuki basically handled all of the hard work (i.e yelling at people) for him, Sei had enough time on his hands. And he would usually spend it pretending his bakery would have it's own TV show. It was one of the little fun things in his life that always cheered him up. If the chance would ever come up, he'd be completely prepared.

"My bro's a little weird. He's got blue hair. It's his natural color too. Weird. He's great at his job, though. Great at designs and sometimes detailed work. Also-" Speak of the devil.. "Sei, who're ya talkin' to?" His brother interrupted Sei's monologue. "Don't tell me, pretending to have a TV show again? Ya really are such a kid, Sei." Aoba teased, slightly sticking his tongue out. "B-bro, don't tease me! J-just get back to work and leave me be!" Sei told him off, which was about as close as Sei could come to Mizuki's lectures. He wasn't a loud person, never was about making a rucus over anything, resulting in an inability to raise his voice.

"Wooow. Baws is freaking out. Watch out for da Baws's wrath." Piercings, white as hell, no mistaking him. "Noiz, d-don't make fun of me!" Sei told him off, earning an eye roll. "Whatever. I got things to do." The blond turned back to the cake he was working on, currently sculpting a bachelor party's cake. An interesting shape, kinda like a-

"Ah, dis might be a good time to explain. All of us are gay." Sei was telling the truth. The bakery's crew weren't judging, it's not like you can't get a job at the bakery if you're not into dicks. Quite the opposite, in fact. The crew basically just got together since they were all friends. Nothing more, nothing less.

Except that basically everyone's dating eachother, that is.

"Back on topic, dis here is Noiz. He likes sculpting and decorating our cakes. Sometimes even gets da ideas." Sei walked up to the blond, looking at the stacked rice crispie treats in front of him. "S-so Noiz, what're ya makin'?" He asked. "A dick, Sei." Noiz replied, straightforward as always. Seragaki's bakery was special, no matter how you look at it.

"Beansprout, hurry da fuck up. Deadline's gettin' closer so we need to start decoratin' today." A hand was suddenly slammed on the table. With one glance it was obvious who it belonged to, though. Long, boney fingers covered in scars, nails that look like he goes to a salon every day, no doubting it.

"Ah, mister Koujaku!" Sei looked up to see the irritated face of his brother's childhood friend. "Sei, cut dat 'mister' shit out, I ain't dat old." He groaned slightly. "Dat's not whatcha said last night." Noiz commented, earning a smack to his head from Koujaku, who was also his lover. Not that they'd ever admit it, but seeing Koujaku's cheeks turn ever so slightly red after Noiz's comments was enough to figure it out.

"Koujaku helps out with da decoratin' and sometimes carrying heavy stuff. He's kinda an allrounder." Sei continued his little introductions, not wanting to get right in the middle of Noiz and Koujaku fighting. Mizuki could clear that up for him. "Movin' on... Oh! Clear!" Sei ran over to another table with a smile.

"Hello Sei! Somethin' wrong?" The white haired employee looked up from his work, a soft smile gracing his face. "Dis here is Clear, he's our best decorator and da best at detailed stuff!" Sei said, a proud grin on his face. "I can't have all da honor here, boss! Youse way betta!" He replied. Clear was one of the reasons the bakery was running so well. His designs are beautifully detailed and appeal to basically everyone. However...

"What? Aoba-san, what do ya mean I can't make any more jellyfish?" Clear sounded heartbroken, as if he was about to cry. "Clear, we gots too many jellyfish cakes. They ain't sellin'!" Aoba explained, before getting interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. "...Let him make da jellyfish." A deep voice told him, causing Aoba to reflexively look up. "But Mink-"

"No buts. Only jellyfish."

"Yaaay! Thanks Mink~!" Clear soon embraced his co-worker which looked weird since Mink was a lot taller and heavier built than the white haired baker. Mink coughed to hide his slightly blushing face. Clear and Mink. Another obvious one. Sei looked over at his sibling, who seemed to be mumbling something.

"Hardass."

"Says mista currently gettin' no ass."

"Noiz ya betta shut ya whore mouth."

Aoba soon felt an arm around his shoulder and a small chuckle. "Aoba, there's nuttin' to be ashamed of! I'm always up for it if da beansprout can handle it." Aoba looked up to see Koujaku smirking at him, soon letting out a sigh. His friend just loved to hit on him, didn't he. "I'm not havin' a threesome with Noiz and ya. I'd ratha have my hand, thanks."

Ignoring the last comment (they were never going to find out Aoba used his right hand to do the job), Koujaku seemed actually shocked. "But why not?" Aoba looked at his friend with confusion.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND AN' HE'S A KINKY SHIT!" Aoba objected, pointing at Noiz. Koujaku needed little time to recover from that comment.

"...Ya once had a dream about doin' ya dog."

"DAT'S DIFFERENT."

"Aoba please we all know ya have serious kinks."

"NOIZ."

"It's true though."

"kOUJAKU."

Suddenly the doors to the bakery slam open and Mizuki storms through, walking straight over to the three arguing bakers. "Can I ask what youse is doin'? 'Cause I'll be honest and say ya SHOULD BE WORKIN'!" He yells, starting off calmly. The three don't seem to pay him a lot of mind and keep throwing insults at eachother. "HELLO?" Mizuki yells to draw their attention. "GET DA FUCK BACK TO WORK!"

As Koujaku and Noiz keep on arguing, Aoba quickly turns his head towards the tanned baker. "Can it, Mizuki." Mizuki wastes no time in responding to his comment. "Da fuck did ya just say, ya overgrown blue buttplug?" He asks calmly.

Soon Clear, who'd been watching the whole scene with Mink speaks up again. He looks up at his lover. "Mink? What's a buttplug?" The white haired male asked so innocently, almost like a child would if they heard their parents talk about a hard subject.

Mink, who obviously felt that he couldn't soil his lover's pure mind quickly shook his head. "It's nuttin', Clear. Wait until ya older."

"I'm twenty." Clear blinked.

"I said OLDER."

Being quite harshly cut off by his lover, Clear pouted and went back to his work. Meanwhile, Sei tried to make Mizuki stop yelling. Not only did it sometimes give him a headache, but he didn't like to see Mizuki mad. Sei calmly tapped his partner's shoulder. "M-Mizuki.. I think they get it, it's enough." He timidly looked up with a small smile.

As if on cue, Mizuki's expression softened and he was almost smiling. "Ya right Sei, I'm sorry. S'just that Cakes 'n Snakes's doing better these days an' their cockiness is startin' to annoy da fuck outta me." Mizuki explained. Ah yes, Cakes 'n Snakes, the other cake shop across the street. Sei knew it all too well, those stuck up pricks couldn't ever catch up to Seragaki's. He didn't get how they were so successful nowadays though, there's only three employees working at the place.

There's the Twins-That-Get-Mad-If-You-Call-Them-Twins-Because-They-Are-Anything-But, Virus and Trip. Quite the mysterious couple, to be fair. Especially the former, who looks like he should be working at some classic joint or an office with the sophisticated vibe he has. The latter being sort of weird in general. He enjoys copying his non-twin it seems, having a suit made of the same fabric as Virus's tie. He loves cake more than anyone else.

Lastly, there was Ryuuhou. He was new to the business but appearantly he caught on quickly. He's probably what their shop owes its success to. The guy actually applied for a job at Seragaki's but since Koujaku and him had some bad blood between them, Sei declined. Since then, he seems to have made it his job to piss off Seragaki's employees (but mostly Koujaku, obviously).

"Don't worry 'bout it! We'll always be at da top!" Sei smiled at Mizuki, like a child making a promise to his friend. Mizuki seemed a little taken aback, but soon regained his composure. He swore, the elder one of the Seragaki brother's had such an irrestistable charm about him... "Sei.." Mizuki stared into the owner's innocent eyes. "Ya right, let's get it done!" He finished, soon turning back to the others to give them tasks. Sei smiled proudly to himself.

He did it again.

~*~

"And dat concludes today! Good job everyone! Now get ya asses outta here!" Mizuki told the assembled bakers, who were tired after another day of listening to Mizuki's orders and baking. The crew soon took off their uniform and changed back into their usual attires. "I'm just sayin', dat boy looked really amazed when da cake caught fiyah."

"Nah Aoba, I think it was 'cuz he watched a dick cake catch fiyah."

"Details, Noiz."

Sei looked up from his paperwork and called out to his brother. "Bro, I left ya dinner at home. I'll prolly be late tonight." He told Aoba, who nodded in response. "Thanks bro. Don't walk alone at night, kay? Take Mizooks as an escort or somethin'." Aoba told him, half jokingly. He knew Sei was delicate and about his feelings for Mizuki. He had to be honest, he was waiting for them to hook up. He'd even gotten the others involved in a bet. And well, Noiz was going to win at this rate.

"Whateva, get outta here." Sei shrugged him off, continuing to work on his paperwork. Aoba smirked slightly at his sibling before leaving the bakery with the others. The silence that soon fell over the building didn't last long, however.

"Yahoo, Seeeii-san~"

"Oh fuck me runnin'."

Standing in the doorway was Trip, off on his daily visit to Seragaki's. "Don't be like dat, I'm just glad to see ya. How's it goin'?" The blond asked. "Great, until ya walked into my bakery." Sei responded, sighing slightly. "Aw cheer up, ya got a buttplug up ya ass or somethin'?" Trip asked, stepping into the small office. "Get outta my office." Sei immediately responded. He had no idea what a buttplug was, but he wasn't about to ask and make a fool of himself.

Trip sighed at Sei's uptightness. "Fine, fine. I'm just here for business anyway." Business, right. "And ya sure it's just ya? Didn't bring ya twin or Foxy?" Sei asked.

"We ain't twins."

"Answer da question, shithead." Mizuki soon joined Trip in the doorway, his angry expression plastered on his face once again. Trip seemed sort of happy to see Mizuki, as a small smile appeared on his face. "Ay baws! I'm just playin', kay? 'Sides, even if I brought Virus and Ryuuhou, what difference does it make? Ya gonna kick me out here regardless."

"Good guess, get da fuck outta my bakery."

"And dat's my que! Nice seein' ya Sei, ya buttplug infested bro. Peace." Trip raised his hand as if to wave goodbye before turning around. "No need to see me off, I know my way."

"Just fucking go!" Mizuki called after him, soon stepping into Sei's office and closing the door. "Sei, ya okay? Did he do anythin' to ya?" Mizuki's expression soon went soft again as he asked with great concern. "Nah nah, I'm okay. Did he do anything to ya?" Sei asked with the same concern. Mizuki smiled brightly. "Who cares?" He hesitantly touched the side of Sei's face. Yes, Mizuki had liked Sei ever since the bakery had started, but never had the balls to Sei anything.

"I do." Sei started to get red at the contact. Was it finally gonna happen? Were they finally done with building up courage to confess their feelings for eachother? He didn't have a lot of time to ponder though, as Mizuki's lips soon sealed his own in a soft kiss, both pairs of lips trembling heavily. It didn't last long, but it was sweet nontheless. "Sei, let's stick togetha like cream cheese on a red velvet cake." 

"Dat's what ya say after a kiss? Dat's cheesy." Sei commented as Mizuki chuckled. "I deserved dat one." An awkward silence soon fell over the small office as Mizuki slowly removed his hand from Sei's face. Not knowing anything else to say, Sei blurted something random. "M-Mizuki.. What's a dildo?" 

"W-WHAT?!"

"W-well, just now I heard Noiz tell Mister Koujaku to do somethin' with a dildo made outta chainsaws, but.. What's a dildo?"

Mizuki turned red out of embarrassment for Sei. He was literally too pure to be working with all the others. "It's an ex- EXTINCT BIRD." He blurted out without thinking, soon feeling a nervous sweat running down his back. Sei blinked before nodding slightly. "O-oh, okay.." Mizuki gulped, a bold idea forming in his head. He cleared his throat. "W-well anyway, let's get ya home. I-if ya really wanna, I could show you what a dildo is..." Sei's eyes widened in excitement. 

"Deal! Yaay! Mizuki's gonna show me an extinct bird!" 

"Y-yeah..." 

~*~ END ~*~

**Author's Note:**

> Weird way to end it but idc Sei is cinnamon roll too pure literally. Also Ryan hi I wrote my second gay thing do u love it. I love you and fuck you bye.


End file.
